The Oeths: 2009-A Year of Trial and Blessing

2009 has definitely been a year of both trial and blessing, and coupled with 2008 has probably been the most difficult two years of my short life, with more lessons to learn than I could have ever imagined. So now, the last day of 2009, it's time to reminisce, reconsider, and contemplate 2009.

09' started out difficult. We were away from Aaron, living out of suitcases for 3 months and counting and waiting for sweet baby Joshua to make an appearance. In the works were foot surgery and heart surgery and it made life that much more stressful. Jan. was a month of anticipation, anxiety, worry, desire and great hope. What a blessing it was to be around family, especially my mom to be around through it.

Feb. brought both blessing and sadness. We finally got to see Aaron for the first time since Oct. 08'. And with him coming came the birth of our second son. Handsome Joshua Michael Oeth, our gentle spirit. Our little breath of fresh air. But sadly, he had to return to Germany and the scheduling of surgeries began.

March brought a lot of medical appointments; heart caths, pre-ops, major foot surgery, echos, neurological appointments, MRI's, a plethora of crap, really. After foot surgery late March my foot and leg lost much of the feeling it had and started developing a neurological condition that later developed into RSD, but that's for later in the year. It was a time of contemplating, missing my husband through the stress and exhaustion of the medical system, and worry about my kids and longing for them to be in their permanent home.

But then came April. A hard beginning, and a joyful end. April brought surgery to fix my heart and a walking boot for my foot. End of April I was so blessed by my best friend flying home to Germany with me and staying for a week. What a relaxing, fun week! reunited with my sweet husband, time in Europe with Charvel-even though it wasn't quite like we'd always planned :)-and putting my boys back where they rightfully belonged. In our home. It was a relief.

May/June/July were difficult months. I still couldn't drive, I was re-acclimating to living in a foreign country, learning how to be a stay at home mom, finding new doctors and getting back in to the swing of the medical thing. I learned during this time that loneliness breeds A LOT of ugly things and struggles I don't think anyone ever wants to believe we deal with. I grew increasingly angry and bitter toward a lot of things and people, some justified, some not, which I still struggle with to this day. The more lonely I became, the easier it was to push people away and to feed the bitterness and angriness. Somewhere along these three months, I lost true joy. I was in a lot of pain, physically, and my psyche was suffering. I lost a lot these three months. There was a lot, in hindsight that I should have taken control of, but never did, and it got out of hand. I guess you get to a point of such discouragement in so many areas of life, you just stop being forgiving, and stop showing compassion. Either way, I lost a big piece of myself those three months that I am still trying to recover. It hasn't been an easy road, and the anger and bitterness still creeps in and eats away when I least expect it. Those three months I began losing my faith in people, and somewhere along the line stopped trusting. I truly wish I could have those three months back. But, I also know that the times we are being pruned can be the most painful times. It's a double edged sword I suppose.

The fall though, brought new possibility and great hope. I started driving again, and while I couldn't express to Aaron what I was feeling, he knew. He kept encouraging me to do something for myself, specifically pull my camera that had been tucked away for months, back out. He wanted me to start doing something I loved again. To find worth in myself and know that I had something to offer. I have to say, I am SO grateful for my husband. Beyond words. So, I pulled my camera back out and by September had started Kayla Oeth Photography. It has been one of the greatest blessings of the year! In 4 short months, I have been able to buy some new equipment, open a studio (thanks to my awesome hubby), and now have over 75 clients and counting. It's incredible. It's re-shown me beauty in people, and I have been blessed by each of my clients in different ways. It's incredible. We also got to travel a little finally. Brussels, and the Bavarian Alps, namely. But beautiful incredible blessings. I also finally started getting involved with the Buechel Spouses Group and met some awesome women who I think will become great friends. Fall was good. It was a time of growth and rediscovery, a time when I realized the struggles of the summer and started to confront them. Although some of my obedience and following conviction was never answered, it was still a relief to know I still knew how to listen and be obedient to His voice. Something I hadn't truly done in a while.

Winter has brought a little of everything. Car trouble. More heart trouble. New symptoms. A new wave of loneliness and bitterness, but sweet precious time with my family. And beautiful snow. The creator gives me new glimpses everyday that regardless of how I'm feeling, HIS beauty is everywhere. It's peaceful really. And now today. New Year's Eve brings us the blessing of life-the day Jacob was born (but he's for another post!). What a way to end a year.

In 2010 I'm looking forward to stability, growth in friendships (both new and old), re-learning how to hear the voice of God so in the lonely times I know truth from imitation, gaining back compassion and empathy that used to be such a great gift, spending more quality time with my family, and hopefully lots of visitors. I think it's going to be a good year. Hopefully the pruning is starting to be completed for a season and we can see the rewards and growth in new light.

So, here's to 2009! Love and appreciate you all and Happy New Year! (The pictures posted in kind of a strange order-Have to start at the bottom and go up-or see year in reverse! :) Whoops!)