The Strong Willed Child...

So I've been mulling a lot over what it really takes to raise a true strong willed child, and if I have what it takes, and if I didn't have what it takes, why God would have given me a strong willed child. It's been an interesting battle with my myself, and a battle that I've lost more days than I've won. I've read books, I've talked to people (mostly people who had no idea what I was going through and just wanted to tell me what I was doing wrong when all I wanted them to do was listen), I've prayed some, and I've wrestled with myself a lot. Still I haven't found a whole lot of answers. And I've come to the conclusion that I don't think there are a whole lot of answers. I think there is patience. I think there is endurance. I think there is gentleness. And I think there is unconditional love. What else can there be?

I don't think I'll ever understand why Jacob has the need for the power struggles. I truly believe he knows what the outcome of each will be, but for some reason he still feels the need to test, to be sure that each time I will continue to fight and prove that I still have it in me and that I still love him enough and have enough respect for myself as his parent and his mother to win the battle. He is fiery. He is passionate. He is hard headed. He is strong willed. A TRUE strong willed child. It is difficult, but there is still something truly amazing and beautiful about it.

Nothing bothers me more than people who try to empathize and say "oh I know my child is stubborn too, they do this and this and that". I just want to be like, "Let me send you my kid for two days and see if you're still alive!" Not to undermine any parent's difficulty they have with their kid, it's all relative, but a true strong willed child is different (Barbara, you know what I'm talking about!). There are days that you want to go in your bedroom and shut yourself off to the world and just cry. But you can't. You can't show a single sign of weakness or your child will take complete advantage of it and take it for everything it is worth. If you ever give them a single inch they will take 5 miles. I've had people ask me why we are so tough on Jacob, and surely people, including our own families judge us about how we discipline Cubby, but if we don't set strict rules, he goes out of control. People who don't have a child like him or don't live with him don't get it. And it drives me crazy when people judge or question because they don't have a 3 year old like him. It's frustrating.

There are days I feel like I'm going crazy. I wonder why God thought I (we) was equipped to handle such a strong willed child. Then there are days when he's so well behaved and so amazing, and I see the way his fiery passion can be channeled and the way God wants to use the gifts he gave Cubby, and everything changes. God wouldn't have given us a kid like Cubby if he wouldn't have equipped us in some way for it. And we wouldn't have prayed for a dangerous wild kid and gotten it if God didn't desire for us to have it. His name is Jacob Israel for a reason.

I have to remember to pray when it is difficult. And to have patience. And to endure. And to love. And to have a mother's gentle heart and touch. And trust that God has equipped me to raise my strong willed child to have a strong willed heart for HIS kingdom. Even if it is one of the hardest things I have ever done....