The Blessing of a Husband

This weekend, my husband blessed me. He helped me deal with kid puke, and kid diarrhea. He kept up with ALL the dishes and took care of the boys to include cooking while I had photo sessions. And best of all, tonight he cleaned out the nasty "we've had sick kids all weekend" bath tub, and ran me a hot bubble bath, complete with a fireplace application on his computer. Amazing. And all without even having to ask. He is awesome. And I'm lucky he chose me for his bride. It's weekends like this that remind me how truly lucky I am. I love you, punkin'.

Broken People

So, as I sit here avoiding all the housework, business work and baby stuff I need to get done, I've been dwelling on this Mutemath lyric from their song Pins and Needles: "And I'm becoming fond of broken people, as I see that I am one of them."

I have always been one of those that stands up for the underdog, that always tries to give people the benefit of the doubt, that has LOVED broken people. It wasn't until recently though that I started realizing how broken I was. I had always been so empathetic to others, almost to the point of feeling sorry for them sometimes, that I never stopped to look at my own crap. My own convictions. I so easily covered them with others, that I sometimes didn't see how much I was actually judging them. I was giving of myself to them because I thought they needed me. And as much as I'm ashamed to admit that, I am beyond thankful for this conviction.

It was through an online forum I often read that I began to realize this. There as a pretty nasty conversation taking place about a number of things from how people parented, to how they didn't take care of themselves or their kids, to how people shouldn't have big families etc. etc. It was ugly, crude, judgmental and downright mean. As I read through it I found myself thinking "Wow, those are the kind of people I would have walked up to in the store and started talking to because they need a friend like me." Wow, how self-righteous is that?

As I dug deeper into that and started contemplating it, I realized something. It wasn't that the empathy, the understanding, the desire to build relationship with those that others wouldn't typically want to wasn't a gift that was given me, but instead I was focusing on the wrong side of that gift. I wasn't focusing on the ONE who gave me that gift, or the purpose in which he gave it to me. I think at one point in my life I was, but since coming to Germany, I realize more and more how self centered it's made me, because it's taken me away from easy ministering, if that makes sense.

The first thing that came to mind as I was being convicted of my own crap while reading this forum was this:

¹ "Judge not, that you be not judged. ²For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. ³Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ⁴Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye." Matthew 7:1-5

Woah. Seriously. That log in my eye is HUGE. I'm realizing until I can learn to take the gifts HE has given to me and use them for his glory in the kingdom, I have no place pulling the specks in others eyes. And even when the time comes and as I deal with my convictions, I am going to have to constantly remind myself that helping our brothers with their speck is to be done in love. It is to be realized in love, shared in loved and to be held accountable in love, as I would hope others would do for me with my plank.

The second thing that came to mind as I was mulling over my conviction and how I should be loving others was this:

For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, ³⁶ I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' ³⁷Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? ³⁸And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? ³⁹And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?' ⁴⁰And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.' Matthew 25:35-40

Everything I do is to be for HIS glory. The gifts he gives me or to advance HIS kingdom, not for some twisted sense of self righteousness that makes me feel good about myself. For the way I treat others, I am treating the one who gave everything. Ouch. Talk about a slap in the face to my Redeemer. As I go through this conviction I only pray I can see the image of Christ in each person as they were made, and constantly remember that loving the least of these is not for my own gratification, but for His.

After all, we are all broken. We are all in some way the least of these, no? We all have our vulnerabilities and the areas of our life that are in shambles, whether they are visible from the outside or not. So here is me, admitting, I am broken. And I love others who are broken. And as I sift through my conviction and work on taking out my own log, I am blessed to see that our brokenness can be an incredible gift from our Creator. It can teach us to love more deeply, give of ourselves more openly and help us learn to see people as Christ desires us to see them--for who He created them to be, and not for their brokenness.